Fiorelle La Guardia Mayor of New York from 1934 - 1945, his opinion on the prohibitions on marijuana and why it should be decriminalized.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36KLuAZd8Qk

Lion's, Tiger's and DUCK... Oh my?

I'm almost ready, I think. I think that I can, it feels like I could I just need to know that it's possible. That's impossible.

Being scared is what cripples me, being alone without her really kills me inside. All my cuts and bruises have healed around her. This I do know that to carefully detach her from my heart will injure me more than wrecking it all with one jerk.

I love her but I completely feel at fault for her insecurities, the fact is that I know she won't be able to move on from that. She needs to start fresh, I need to start new. No back tracking to past hoarders, no this has to be fresh and crisp. 

As I write in this blog I want you to know that this is not a declaration of a brake up, solely my opinion on my relationship.

With all the good intent in the world I should be saying this all to her but I write far better than when I speak. When I'm in groups I'm quite to myself, I seldom speak, I frequently think. For what it's worth I think about everything, I'm always inside my head keeping my life inside of me... these past few months I have changed.

A hair cut, less thinking inward and more speaking outward, channeling my heart and thoughts to more positive things. Also I decided I wanted a piercing, because I want people to see me for who I am on the inside, but to my exterior. I got the piercing.

Being told that you have changed, and then saying that you don't like it are two separate things. Yesterday those things came together and hurt my being. To be honest I'm not some tough chick, I'm an athlete and I like pain because with that I know to get stronger. But I'm not tough, I cry, I hurt, I'm sensitive like the soft places that I touch. I pour my heart, soul and flesh into my athleticism and artistry, into my frrrriends, into my familia, into my love. Into everything I do, kind of like when you fill an ice cube tray with water. 

Lion's tiger's and duck oh my! 

I fear for detachment, and I know it would be a journey to reassemble myself after such a wrenched lost.

Most of her friends hate me, my friends don't hate her... if we broke up my friends would leave me. They were my friends and because I fucked up those times I lose them unless I'm with her. After them I'm stuck with people that I don't know, I fear for losing friends, I fear losing her love, I fear losing her commitment, I fear losing her hugs & kisses, I fear losing her cute humour, I fear losing her sense of fashion, I fear losing our ideas together, our memories together, our dislikes, likes and the in betweens together, I fear not being able to talk to her because if were to brake up she would want it like that, I fear missing her smell, warmth, touch & feelings, I fear losing her family, I fear losing the empire that has been built over the years (it's small but still an empire), I fear waking up to empty arms, I fear going to sleep to empty arms, I fear being cold, I fear being left alone, I fear an empty heart, and I fear losing my mind. 

I sound dramatic and shit... right? Well this is how I feel, dramatic. Life, love, fear, and losing is dramatic. As mellow as it may be it is dramatic. Dramatic devastation to the hearts, to the people around the hearts for the bodies whose hearts were connected. A lot of blood is lost, it's dramatic.

Fuck you if you think I'm an emotional fuck, fuck you if you hate this blog. This is my life, why cast judge upon me? Read someone else s' blog if you think this smells like shit, and fuck you again for thinking that. Let a mother fucking chick smoke, and write her insides down so people can read it... fuck.

Sorry disregard that, I just REALLY wanted to write that! Ahaha! 

You and I are stuck and we can't ignore it anymore.

'You Are Super Hot!!!' - Courtney McDonald

Today is cold, today is gray and today with a chance of a shit storm in the evening is April 17, 2010. 

I woke up this dewy morning not wanting to get out of bed (like always), I just wanted to sleep in and relax. People, a great many of you may be thinking; "You are LAZY.", but I will justify this. Last night I did not go to sleep at my usual bed time, instead I indulged and hung out with the Lesbian.

Anyhow, I did not sleep well. Waking up every so often because of a strange dream takes a lot out of a person. Right now as I write this blog, I am very tired but I continue tapping the keys down because I feel like it.

It's really ugly out, and I can't help but think that it's better if I accidentally fall asleep and don't score the womenfolk's lacrosse game (it starts at 12:00pm). Ugh... this is chicken shit >. > (I'm so mature!)

Behind this napkin is the cutest little part of my day yesterday. I came into the cafe to get my brunch on and I sat with Friend1 and Friend2. When I sat I saw a group of four girls sitting at the table behind me, I didn't notice them too much except for the Digital SLR that one of them had.

I got my food, started eating and as I was finishing up one of the girls from behind me dropped this napkin next to me. Folded in two, I opened and instantly laughed because it is so fucking cute I couldn't take it. 

 

Mind you I contacted Courtney, introduced myself and thanked her, told her I was in a relationship. Then I face-booked her and now we are just friends.

Something like that, so small and quick really made my day. The littlest things make me happy, try it sometime. I try to do that for everyone I know.

[Insert Title Here]

These past few days I haven't really taken any photos that I actually like... I'll show you. You'll see what I mean, it wasn't the worst thing but I just didn't get inspired like I usually get.

Whenever I have these moments in time, these glitches of not know what to take a picture of next I become lost. My creativity just dips and doesn't come back a little while, I understand that as an artist there are times when we don't know what to do next. If getting lost in spite of being uninspired what we must do than let it be. I did not know that before, so I would force myself to take photos. Hundreds of them a day and I would go at it until I found just one that I liked. But then I thought about how I wasn't having any fun plowing my way through. The way I went about it was in a quantitative way instead of qualitative manner.

In English class one of the techniques that we get taught to do is that whenever your stuck and can't seem to write 'just write nonsense'. That means to, write out of your head, a train of thought kind of exercise. The idea is to stimulate your thoughts and get into a writing mode, but all that is very quantitative.

Never mind, hope I didn't bore you with my blab.

PS: I spelled 'smoke' wrong, oops! 

Excuse Me Greenery, I Saw You From Across The Room

Today, mid afternoon I walked into the lounge and spoted it from across the room. Then I said; Yo
I don't know your name but excuse me greenery I saw you from across the rooooom! (ohh Chris Brown you asshole). Okay anytoot, this poor little plant was dehydrated and deserted.

My efforts to revitalize this herb will not go unnoticed, I am going to take pictures of it every week to see the progress that has taken.

I have watered the herb and I put it a little clear plastic zip up bag on it to keep it humid. ALSO, I added the element of heat. My desk lamp, I think it is ample heat to give it a boost on it's way to recovery. 

Follow my herb's recovery (I'll be naming it soon, give me suggestions!).




As a few days ago, I have confirmed that my little ole plant is gone for good.

College Humor

There’s no easy way to explain this but my friends have a really immature sense of humor and I love them for it. It makes me laugh, it’s my kind of humor solely because it’s humor that is made for laughter. Plus its college humor it’s rated MATURE for a reason, anyone can say something funny but who will ‘balls to the wall’ really say “Do YOU NEED A BONE Time?” and then post it up on somewhere on campus? My friends or your college friends or any college student out there exercising their right to be obscene in college. 

There are no filters like at or high school, college humor is a release of momentum that has built up in your system over the past 18 years of you life. Just putting it out there so everyone know, it doesn’t matter who you are if your in college this is funny shit. Even college professors enjoy some college humor every now and then. 

Warning: College Humor is not for the faint of heart, weak, pregnant or for the stuck up. 

Miniature Things On Sunday

I love mini M&M’s.

And little pots are cute, look at them their miniature! 

It’s all about small things today!

I Can't Remember When

Now when I say this, that I'm afraid of what I don't know I really mean that I know what it is. I just don't want it. And I can't remember the last time I said 'I don't know' to someone and really meant it. Before I get asked a question concerning my future I know what my future is, to an extent. Everything is based on choices, and as soon as I make a choice I know what’s in store. Right then and there I know the consequences, the pros and cons and all I don’t actually know is how I’m going to counter act my choice whether it was right or wrong.

Saying ‘I don’t know’ because I don’t want anyone else to know, and having no idea why I want to keep that from people always hangs over my head. How can I put this in a way that makes sense? I don’t know if I can, but I am practicing escapism and being the athlete that I am I can run. So I hate facing the music, it makes me anxious and just want to drop, plop, slip, slap dead on the ground and have nothing to do with anything.

Hmm, now that I think about it... I might have a problem with responsibility, the verb or taking responsibility, showing face for my choices, taking ownership of the shit my dog left at the corner of Cambridge and South Union.

It’s easy to point and say that it’s not my fault, disgustingly easy, so easy that its involuntary.

April Showers, Bring May Flowers & A 20th Birthday

All right so this is my first blog post in about a year or so and I'm nervous because I kind of forgot how I started to write what is in my mind. Also I sort of don't know if I can tap back into those thoughts that trigger my want to write. In other words I can't move, but I really want to.

Maybe a few rambles, scrambles improper nouns, action verbs in present tense and misuse of english language will help start my engine. If I try to explain how I process what I see then maybe I'll start something that I can't stop which is what I want for the long run. You know to write, and write until there's a sense of accomplishment, a relief or some type of self medicating remedy for the insanity.

Wait a second, I could write poems. Yeah, poems. They can rhyme with words or flow, the style could be instant with force but low and introverted. My poems could be great, like something that people HATE.

No, mental note; no poems, I'm not capable.

There's still just train of thought writing, it works for me and I can really vent out how I feel, what I see, how I interpret it, what makes me feel, what influences my actions and how I am. This'll it, I think. Perhaps I should leap into more detail because I never make rash decisions without thinking them through for a significant amount of time. My friends call be slow, but I say careful. I like to know what I am doing, if what I am doing is correct, ethical and a true decision of my character. I do very so often take a risk to make sure I'm still myself, for example a month ago I got a hair cut. Very extreme, completely bold and not me. I went through with it... inside I said "commit or quit Kat, which will it be? Are you going to punk out pusssaayy Kat!?". Ohh I'm very self motivating there, yeah that's me at my best (as if).

Whatever comes to mind I'll make sure to post it up, either before or after my counseling sessions so there should be something up every week from now on. I was thinking of getting a psychologist but I'm still dilly dally-ing in between that.

My mind its like black coffee, sharp but keeps me up. The caffein has an anxiety ridden affect on me so the two are similar in cause but consumption in different forms.