All right so this is my first blog post in about a year or so and I'm nervous because I kind of forgot how I started to write what is in my mind. Also I sort of don't know if I can tap back into those thoughts that trigger my want to write. In other words I can't move, but I really want to.
Maybe a few rambles, scrambles improper nouns, action verbs in present tense and misuse of english language will help start my engine. If I try to explain how I process what I see then maybe I'll start something that I can't stop which is what I want for the long run. You know to write, and write until there's a sense of accomplishment, a relief or some type of self medicating remedy for the insanity.
Wait a second, I could write poems. Yeah, poems. They can rhyme with words or flow, the style could be instant with force but low and introverted. My poems could be great, like something that people HATE.
No, mental note; no poems, I'm not capable.
There's still just train of thought writing, it works for me and I can really vent out how I feel, what I see, how I interpret it, what makes me feel, what influences my actions and how I am. This'll it, I think. Perhaps I should leap into more detail because I never make rash decisions without thinking them through for a significant amount of time. My friends call be slow, but I say careful. I like to know what I am doing, if what I am doing is correct, ethical and a true decision of my character. I do very so often take a risk to make sure I'm still myself, for example a month ago I got a hair cut. Very extreme, completely bold and not me. I went through with it... inside I said "commit or quit Kat, which will it be? Are you going to punk out pusssaayy Kat!?". Ohh I'm very self motivating there, yeah that's me at my best (as if).
Whatever comes to mind I'll make sure to post it up, either before or after my counseling sessions so there should be something up every week from now on. I was thinking of getting a psychologist but I'm still dilly dally-ing in between that.
My mind its like black coffee, sharp but keeps me up. The caffein has an anxiety ridden affect on me so the two are similar in cause but consumption in different forms.
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